Guide the Car, You`ve got the Keys

Never good enough for you.

Yknow, i used to believe in a lot of things.
And it's a good thing.
Because it reveals my parents' efforts in bringing me up as a kid.
They catch me when i fall, so i'm not afraid to try.
(Everytime i fell down, it was because mummy wasn't there)
They buy me toys to convey to me that they try their best to give me what i want.
(Everytime daddy goes overseas, i'd rush to the airport to ransack his luggage)
They hold my hand, to show me i'm not alone in this world.
(Used to walk around town holding mummy's hands interlocked every saturday)
They bring me to fastfood restaurants just to see me smile.
(Mummy is a health freak, i never ate a chicken nugget without her peeling the nugget skin off)
They bring me out on weekends, show me the world.
(Thousands of trips to the Zoo under the scorching sun, birdpark, botanics garden, kite flying, golf clubs)
They send me for classes so that i won't lose out, so that i excel.
(Swimming, Art class, Language centres, Tuition, Piano, Computer courses)
If i go on, this ain't going to end.
I used to have to say goodnight i love you to them before i go to bed.
(Maybe that's why it's hard for me to say these words today if you wanted me to)

Along the road, i stop to think;
The world ain't so pretty after all.
Falls are inevitable and when i fall, it can hurt real bad.
(My mum don't even look me in the eyes now when i tell her abt my injuries from soccer)
There are things money can't buy.
(Time spent together, the number of words exchanged with each other, so on)
I am alone in this world.
(Can't remember the last time i held your hand mum)

Fuck, should i be Angry? Sad? Happy?
Should i feel Lost? Satisfied? Abandoned? Loved?Grateful?
I am grateful, i am happy, i feel loved.
You'd probably hear that coming from me if it was five years ago.
If you want to hear those from me now, you'll have to either turn back time, or change that sentence to its past tense.

Sorry but,
What's my point here, i really have yet to figure it out.
I'm only here to trash out my thoughts after an incident that happened today that left me crying for god knows what reason too.
Some of my thoughts read something like,
"Mum&Dad, when did coming home start to feel this empty?"

"Mum&Dad, i'm sorry"

"Mum&Dad, i miss you"

"Mum&Dad, i'd rather you not have started painting the world for me.
Yes, Hope, Faith, Love, and Family, beautifully sketched out.
Why didn't you finish what you started out with?
Why did you stop?"