Guide the Car, You`ve got the Keys

2010-06-21T00:29:00.001+08:00

It sure has been long.

2010-01-10T15:16:00.000+08:00

Back to lj for a while.

2009-12-08T12:30:00.003+08:00

Foo, i finally found you.
Grant me the serenity to accept things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can.
~~Turn on.~~
Turn off.
I'm turning off(:

2009-12-05T23:49:00.005+08:00

Heeren, Cine, Heeren, Taka, Youth park.
Shirt from Praise, Billy Bombers, New Moon, Kino, Macs.
Wearing Crescent Pullover to sleep tonight.

(I'm so tired of hurting for someone so unworthy)

2009-12-04T13:09:00.002+08:00

Cine, Heeren, Ion, Fareast, Meridien, Dome, Lido then back to Cine.
LepakSmokeTalkCardsWindowshop101.

Your promise at the polyclinic.
Christmas is coming, why aren't you?

2009-12-02T13:31:00.001+08:00

I miss you.
How could you?

2009-12-02T11:03:00.005+08:00

Breakfast at Holland V.
Foo, Been slacking since i came home.
Need to hire someone to pack my room for me.
I'm not allowed out till i get it done.
Today:
Gym? Swim/Get a tan?
Most prolly going over to Shona's later poor thing feeling unwell i'll sprinkle some love tender kindness and care on her.
If not i'll be at Debbie's/ with Narmy.
Meeting wife at night after her jab at Clementi.
Ah, Life~

DAMN I JUST GOT A CALL AND I GOTTA GO SCHOOL AT FRIGGING 9AM TMR I DON'T LIKE THIS >:(

2009-12-01T22:18:00.003+08:00

LG.FML.

My life is officially girls free, i must say it's a feat.
Well it's a good thing.
(@Von: Everything happens for a reason.)
Gained back some weight over the weekend.
Fantastic company from zy/jy, also not forgetting my stupid little brother who ain't so little anymore.
Watched FIBA U16 it was amazing.
Sold some Habbo items and got some credits.
Tried to scam people with ff for my cous but didn't quite work out haha.
Promised to give him some rares lucky him.
Basketball at Pulai Springs Resort.
Chilled at some new harbour, awesome night.
Monday:
Met wife in town, lepak-ed outside taka, talked about L I F E (and how we love each other so much :D), till some woman came over to harrass us.
Cine.
Took a fag at youth park bus-stop.
Went over to Serene met Michelle W and Co.
Played asshole daidi. I. Am. King.
Smoke. Talk.
Went over to Michelle's place.
Played pool, speed, pool.
Ordered pizza for wife and i.
Asshole daidi with Michelle and bro, wife, kevin.
Smoke somemoremore.
Kevin drove us home.

Today:
Was over @ Lay's.
WHIZZKI grow biggerrrrr, naughty hotdoggy.
Did some catching up, caught South park movie haahaha The Bomb.
KFC, lepak, home.

Final Destination4 is AUWT Tic let's watchhhhhh.

HTC Hero/Blackberry/iPhone ???

Ciaos.

2009-11-27T09:48:00.003+08:00

•Changing phone number
(getting the m1 plan, free outgoing to 3 ppl, 2 vacancy)
•Going out of Town for a while when i'm coming home i'm not sure.
•Mail me/fb if anything urgent

2009-11-24T20:22:00.003+08:00

I am over her.

That adds up to the number of "didn't work out"s.
Now i`m just up for dates and,
i can`t wait for christmas with my candy shopper.

2009-11-24T11:18:00.001+08:00

Screw you.

2009-11-23T18:18:00.002+08:00

She took off with my heart and decided she's not coming back.
"so first you accept that but know that you're no longer in the wrong

because you already paid for it, you did yr time

and then you accept that she's changed and the jo that loved you with everything is dead and this isn't jo therefore you no longer want her and she no longer is able to love you like before

and lastly you let go of the old jo and stop hoping that she'll come back

the more you want/beg/hope

the more it isn't gonna happen

and even if it did, what good would that do you?

so you best hope it doesn't happen so you can finally move the fuck on

and be the yh i know

that sees the world as beautiful when she is with me

that makes me laugh when she smiles

the yh that can make a joke out of anything because thats simply who you are.

and know that whether you are that yh or this crazy depressed one whos out of love, i love you no matter what.

i always have and i always will."

Thank you.
But i still cried my eyes out.

2009-11-22T22:14:00.007+08:00

Untitled

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2/1/6/3/5/7/3/3/2/3/6/4/3/4/3/2/4/4

When dad's shoulder was the highest place on earth,
When your worst enemies were your siblings,
When the only thing that could hurt were the skinned knees,
When the only things broken were your toys,
When goodbyes only meant till tomorrow.

2009-11-22T11:18:00.004+08:00

This week has been almost perfect.
Over at friends' house half the time.
Hunter was especially hospitable :o
Skipped camp.
Polyclinic with N and A.
Almost wanted to smoke weed but decided not to.
Settled with R's Viceroy, Ice.
See i have this theory that emo just don't go with menthol/ice.
So it was weird :[
Can't get over the yummy beef D prepared for me <3
Coupled with L coming over plus Chloe and the puppies shitting all over holy mother of god how... cosy (?!)
Went drinking with B the day i fricking met J under fucking impossible circumstances.
Somehow i ended up calling her at 1ish and god knows why she picked up.
And she could say i looked smaller than ever hahahah like duh i haven't been eating because of our break-up darling.
Hopefully i didn't blabber shit to her but i guess i kinda did ):
I was getting a whole lot better and god just had to play me.
But as always, it'll get better.
AND OMG FRINGE S2E8 is OUTTTTTT.
Goodbye.

2009-11-14T18:00:00.004+08:00

_|_

2009-11-14T10:32:00.002+08:00

I'm an emotional wreck.

2009-11-13T12:30:00.001+08:00

Silence has a sound.

2009-11-12T15:01:00.003+08:00

You`re so busy being selfless, that you end up treating yourself like shit.
That really what you think of me?
I'm just, i'm just saying i know what you need.
What. Which is what?
To take care of yourself a little. So that the people who love you don't feel like they're annoying you. Just, marry me, let the world go screw itself half second and see what happens and maybe it'll be ok.

2009-11-11T11:51:00.002+08:00

Stay Close, Don`t Go.

Yuuun

2009-11-09T14:07:00.003+08:00

Hello Yun let's go out after A's to watch movies and shop and go to places we've not been to before we'll explore Singapore(:

Macs is hereeee :D

2009-11-08T21:54:00.005+08:00

This could be a movie, this could be our final act.
We don't need these happy endings.
So go and tell your father that you're mine.

My sister's keeper wasn't up to standard, not at allllll, period!! ):<
(Cry what cry!)
500 days of summer was not capivating either i was close to slapping my tablet when the lead came up grr.
YAWN ttm.
Finished the last few chapters of Change of Heart so i can pass it to Su who's been eyeing it everytime i held it in my hands, hehe.
Paulo tmr, hopefully. Maybe only after i STUDY for olympiad, jesus!!
Devil wears prada, fatfat anne, tsktsk.
Oh there's a follow up to the movie Up only this time it's about the DOGGY hahahahah i hope he Points as much as in the first one!
Big game tonight, :D
Oreo cookies yumyummm.
Oh so random.
Going to sleep awhile, need someone to wake me up later.
Eeniemeeniemaiiinimorrrr.
Goodnight \m/

The dead are not alive, and the living will not die.

The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth.

2009-11-07T18:47:00.003+08:00

The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth.

Sometimes circumstances push you to corners that you come to live with it.
You live and let live.
And eventually, that will become enough.
So if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame.

I'd like to believe that miracles keep reality from paralyzing people.
Only this time, i choose my miracles.

It's one long night.

2009-11-05T20:47:00.002+08:00

I'm empty when you leave me, what's one more.

When the only person who's got your back is You.
You fill you lungs with smoke for the last time,
Let it bleed.

Jesus, take the wheel.

2009-11-04T18:50:00.002+08:00

The more i see, the less i know.
It's becoming misty.
And i love it.

Regret.

2009-10-27T19:55:00.004+08:00

Handball in the morning.
Had to play in the futsal knn.
Shin made me her all time demonstrator hehe.
Cut the bull:
1) skipped the god damn museum trip
2) had a rough session of trying to place the balls at the back of the net
3) gave up shooting on my own
4) gym
5) emo at same dusty corner of the school
6) lunch
7) joined the class for pw, helped with von's group
8) Touch with navbaby
9) watched half an episode of friends with sha
10) cont and finished improving slides
11) Fifa '09 with Gs
(haha, he's the best, even bought me bready early in the morning even when he's broke)
12) played in j1 guys vs teachers match
13) cwp for bubbletea with aneesh/navbaby
14) Fishtalk all the way to dover
15) dinner with mummy
16) home sweet (lovemybigbed) home

Today's worst.
The feeling of running and running in a cross-country,
when you're up and away from the damn forest of mcritchie.
You keep running, thoughts of giving up come by once in a while.
But you keep running. Only to see bus stop after bus stop.
You race towards your finishing line and can finally stop and feel good.
I felt today that, she was my finishing line. That i just want to run back into her arms and finally this torment can end.
But wait, she's gone.
There's no finishing line..
This torment won't ever end. She's not coming home anymore.
I'm still in this leg-race dying.
This is exactly the wtf moments i have that leave me dropping to the ground, this is the tearjerker realisations, the surges of pain, the voices in my head, the hallucinations.
Everyday.

Then the fishy and trackmate tic decided on this.
Run for the glory of crescent track, run for the people at the sidelines cheering for me.
Choose a different route, hence a new finishing line.

Well 5) made me realise that Faith is about trusting, placing bets on (feelings included) something/someone with no guarantee/assurance and believing in that something/someone whom you have completely no idea of.

It's the sorrys i cannot say.
It's the babys i cannot call.
It's the hugs i cannot give.
It's the regret i'm living with.

It's the images that i see.
It's the voices that i hear.
It's the memories that i'm living in.
And the future that i ain't entering.

"I can't imagine what its like and i am not going to pretend i know how you feel but i need you
So please stay alive and be the yunheng you are not the yunhengwhojleftbehind
You are the result of your thoughts
So stop thinking you're all those bad stuff, you are more than that and you know it.
Don't be a prisoner of your heart anymore.
I mean, the only person who can truly make you happy is you(NOT EVEN THE OLD J)
So why are you not even trying?

I really care about you and maybe you don't care about that but it really hurts me to see you like this
I wish you could see yourself as i see you
I wish you'd love yourself like i love you."

This is really sweet.
I keep asking myself, is this it is this really it do we have to fucking URGH.
Because there's no turning back and,
)':

So fucking difficult

2009-10-26T16:44:00.001+08:00

It's self explainatory.

Done with picturing how my day went?
Cause i'm tormented.
Where's my salvation.

It's in the mind.

2009-10-25T17:20:00.004+08:00

Guess who's back for daily sky news.

Anyway she's decided to end it with me.
I am officially broken.
These two days I've been sleeping in.
Cry to sleep, wake up crying.
Sounds familiar?
Hell yeah it sucks.
What I've to say is only, i loved her.
I loved her very much.

Haven't eaten a lot these past weeks and i'm 41.8kg.
I was healthily 46.
Check back here later.
Need to shower, went for a run just now and am fucking hot.
Hehe.

(Back)
Where was i.
Yes, been hurting and hurting and hurting.
Never felt so much pain in my entire life before.
So i don't exactly know how to get through this period of Shitxzxz ):

So here's what i'll work on.
This love that has taken it's toll on me,
(she said, goodbye to many times before ohohohoho~)
so i'll spread it out and love the many people around me. Haha, make sense?
Love my friends more than i already love them.
Love my family.
Love a stranger (?)
And lastly i'll work on someone who's been there all these while.
Let her in the most i can and see if things will work out with her.

Sigh, give me more loving than i've ever had,
make me feel better when i'm feeling sad ):
Do that for me k people.

Lying encompasses not telling the truth.

2009-10-24T10:34:00.008+08:00

For the past few days i can safely say, I'm fine.
Compared to the months/almost a year of waking up on the wrong side of bed every single dreadful day, i am fine.

Truth is, my fucked up situation has never changed.
It was the perceptions that i chose to view the shit that I'm in, that changed.
It was through the acceptance of change, that i changed.
For the past few months I've single-handedly allowed someone to treat me like dust.
I've been constantly trying to fill up a gap that she obviously was trying to widen.
Frankly up till this very moment, I'm clearly still extremely unsure of the definite truth.
The truth to what? The truth to what happened. The truth to how it happened. The truth to this person's heart. The truth to this facade. The truth that has been obscured, so very well hidden and pushed aside for so god damn long. The truth.
I've been sincere in trying to work things out.
I've set aside my pride, my ego.
I've made plenty of exceptions just trying so fucking hard to please this person.
I've shed tons of tears since day1.
I've apologised for the things i did and did not do.
I don't know what else there is for me to do.
I'm very well jaded.
I've been holding on even though everything seems pointless.
I've been easily contented with the small improvements that surfaces.
But at the end of the day, who am i kidding?
When all i did was ignore the fucked up moments she put me through.
Trust me, i was trashy.

Why is there no room for mistakes?
Why is there no room for negotiation?
You know, i look myself in the mirror and wonder why I'm in this plight.
Where did the Crescentian me coward to.
Where're my fucking guts.
Guts to tell her fuck you, stop treating me like this.
Guts to accept that maybe she don't love me anymore.
Guts to not believe in her i love yous and start believing in her actions that spells the opposite.
Guts to step out of this vicious cycle and move on.
Guts that made me who I've been.

When answers are not solutions.
When faith evolves to denial.
When lying is not only about altering the truth.
When karma bites.
When paranoia and insecurity decides to team up.
This is when you find not only no pot of gold, but additionally, nothing at the end of the rainbow.

So thing is, I'm not fine.
I've decided that i should stop being so bent on searching for the truth.
I'll hurt when i do.
Okay, fuck i don't know what else.
There's no textbook on how to let go or heal a broken heart so don't come down on me that harshly.

Not enough twist of events in my fairy tale?
Hahhaha there're so many loop holes in this entire post.
For example:
Fairy tale can be good in the sense that it's what everyone yearns to be in.
Fairy tale can also mean reality slapping you in the face saying wake up you bastard.

And then there's the irony.
All these happened because i wasn't truthful.
(So who the fuck am i to request for one.)

Go figure.

2009-09-03T20:34:00.003+08:00

She almost had me thinking i was on my way back into love.
And i actually thought for a second there i felt something strong.
Turns out it's all bull.
On a lighter note, last day of fucking school tmr i can't fucking wait.

kthnxbai.

2009-08-26T22:33:00.001+08:00

I can't fucking get to sleep.
Fuck the world.
FUCK.

2009-08-26T18:18:00.003+08:00

The exception to the rule,

Sometimes we are so focused on finding our happy ending,
We don't learn how to read the signs.
How to tell the ones who want us, from the ones who don't.
The ones who'll stay, from the ones who'll leave.

Maybe this happy ending doesn't include a wonderful girl.
Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over.
Framing yourself up, for something better in the future.

Maybe the happy ending is just,

Moving on.

2009-08-23T12:17:00.002+08:00

Start from scratch.

I need my heart, mind and soul to be in this with me.
Then, i'll overcome all odds.
I'll see you on the flipside.

2009-08-17T21:23:00.008+08:00

When i was second to none,

Feels like when you're drowning and the water flows right through your nostrils and into your oesaphagus, choking you.
Feels like when your tummy is upset and there's no toilet in sight.
Feels like when you're falling from a skyscraper in your dream.
Feels like when you try to hold your breath knowing you can let it all out instead.

-

I need to stop breaking hearts.

When two different worlds collide,
it only causes tremor to both worlds,
nothing more, nothing less.

-

In fact, i miss my life.
I miss Crescent.

"I'd give everything here up in exchange for another day back there."
Cross my heart, it still applies.

If it`s gonna be a rainy day
There`s nothing we can do to make it change
We can pray for sunny weather
But that won`t stop the rain.
Let it fall.

2009-08-16T22:35:00.003+08:00

Maybe if you paused for a second,

She rang me up and said, i love you.
Once, twice, thrice.
The fourth time she said it, i knew she meant it.
But baby i've been in pain, and you'll never get to know.

2009-08-10T17:17:00.002+08:00

Do you know what's worth fighting for
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?
Does the pain weigh out the pride
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms
Give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky,
You and I

2009-08-09T10:07:00.003+08:00

When someone says, "You need to know i love you, i care for you"
But you don't exactly feel it.
Because she was so much more, and everything she does was as though telling you,
"i love you" instead of all these small texts that hit you instead that she don't love you as much,
do you believe yourself or believe her words and overpower the nightmares of comparison every single time you dream?
Sos. Need to rush off.

2009-08-08T09:33:00.002+08:00

It used to be a fun house,
now it's full of evil clowns.

2009-08-03T20:20:00.004+08:00

Ifyou`rehappywithsomeoneyoudon`thavetowaitforher
tomakeyouhappybeforeyou`retrulyhappy.

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life.
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night.
Tried to figure out my way through the maze.
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say,
Nothing feels like it`s really worth it.
Forget perfect, I`m trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I`ve been looking for a purpose.

Listen, it`s like poker you can play your best.
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest.
Know when to hold your cards and hold your breath,
and hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because.
I don`t need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesn`t care.
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you, I want someone to say its okay.

I`m no hero, you remember how i was, you know.
All i ever did was worry, feeling out of control.
To the point where everything was going end over end,
I`m spinning around in circles again.
This is where you come in.
All of this to explain to you why I had to separate myself away from yesterday`s life.

Please remember this isn`t how I hoped it would be,
But I had to protect you from me.
That`s why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there.
I know you felt unprepared,
But every single time I was around I just bring you down.
And I could tell that it was time to be scared.
That`s why i slipped out the back before you knew I was there.
And I know the way I left wasn`t fair,
I didn`t want to be around just to bring you down.
I`m not a hero but don`t think I didn`t care.

2009-08-02T14:43:00.001+08:00

Fairy tales.

Give me more loving than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feeling sad.
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not.
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, barely getting mad.

Give me more loving from the very start,
piece me back together when i fall apart.
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friend.
Make it feel good when i hurt so bad, best that i've had.
I'm so glad i found you, i love being around you.
You make it easy.

2009-07-29T21:01:00.003+08:00

Paper,Fire.

Quickie.
•Studied for bio FA at open classroom.
•Ate with fatty.
•Continue with studying bio in the library.
•Golf for PE, hahah, the bomb, loved the company ttm.
•Got back notes from P, studied for bio again.
•Bio lecture, FA.
•End!!
•Mos with fatty
•Train-ed,bus-ed home
•Sleep
•Slack
•Rocky's Pizza at Sunset

I miss habbo-ing with fatty late into the night.
Pucker up, i don't have a liking for tmr's timetable :/

2009-07-26T20:44:00.004+08:00

Never good enough for you.

Yknow, i used to believe in a lot of things.
And it's a good thing.
Because it reveals my parents' efforts in bringing me up as a kid.
They catch me when i fall, so i'm not afraid to try.
(Everytime i fell down, it was because mummy wasn't there)
They buy me toys to convey to me that they try their best to give me what i want.
(Everytime daddy goes overseas, i'd rush to the airport to ransack his luggage)
They hold my hand, to show me i'm not alone in this world.
(Used to walk around town holding mummy's hands interlocked every saturday)
They bring me to fastfood restaurants just to see me smile.
(Mummy is a health freak, i never ate a chicken nugget without her peeling the nugget skin off)
They bring me out on weekends, show me the world.
(Thousands of trips to the Zoo under the scorching sun, birdpark, botanics garden, kite flying, golf clubs)
They send me for classes so that i won't lose out, so that i excel.
(Swimming, Art class, Language centres, Tuition, Piano, Computer courses)
If i go on, this ain't going to end.
I used to have to say goodnight i love you to them before i go to bed.
(Maybe that's why it's hard for me to say these words today if you wanted me to)

Along the road, i stop to think;
The world ain't so pretty after all.
Falls are inevitable and when i fall, it can hurt real bad.
(My mum don't even look me in the eyes now when i tell her abt my injuries from soccer)
There are things money can't buy.
(Time spent together, the number of words exchanged with each other, so on)
I am alone in this world.
(Can't remember the last time i held your hand mum)

Fuck, should i be Angry? Sad? Happy?
Should i feel Lost? Satisfied? Abandoned? Loved?Grateful?
I am grateful, i am happy, i feel loved.
You'd probably hear that coming from me if it was five years ago.
If you want to hear those from me now, you'll have to either turn back time, or change that sentence to its past tense.

Sorry but,
What's my point here, i really have yet to figure it out.
I'm only here to trash out my thoughts after an incident that happened today that left me crying for god knows what reason too.
Some of my thoughts read something like,
"Mum&Dad, when did coming home start to feel this empty?"

"Mum&Dad, i'm sorry"

"Mum&Dad, i miss you"

"Mum&Dad, i'd rather you not have started painting the world for me.
Yes, Hope, Faith, Love, and Family, beautifully sketched out.
Why didn't you finish what you started out with?
Why did you stop?"

2009-07-22T18:24:00.003+08:00

The Forecast: A car crash

It's over, look out below.
I'm wasted, I still taste it.
Yeah it's so hard to let go.
So breathe in now, and breathe it out.

No rewinds, no second times.
And I won't break, I won't waste everything you left behind.
So don't follow, just let it go.
The weather's been better,
so let it be another breakdown, rebound.
This could be my last goodbye
You cross your heart, I hope to die.

All the nights spent sitting nowhere,
you were out there on your own.
All the nights I waited by the phone,
when you were going in alone.
And all your different faces,
and all your different ways,
are making everything a mess.
And all I'm saying is that
All your different places and all the complications led to this.

And I can't deny your eyes.
You know I try to read between the lines, i saw a warning sign.
And then you threw me up against the wall.
Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?
I wish that I had never loved at all.

2009-07-21T19:08:00.007+08:00

You make your own choices, you pay your own prices.

Plenty has happened over the past two weeks.
Surreal? Maybe.
I'd really love to post with picts like before so it would give a better idea/image of
how/what i am right now but, times have changed.
It's tough to have the whole clique thing now given the complicated chart of who's fucking who.
Don't mean to sound crude (actually i don't think i do) but just in case, pardon me.
Let's give the guilt trip a miss because it doesn't work anymore.
Some people are worthy, some are just, there for show and tell.
So, is there a lighter note to this page at all?
Well i passed all my subjects, B for Maths and Bio, S for GP.
Quite a disappointment, hahah i know, i know.
I haven't been able to concentrate as fully during Lectures and Tutorials the entire of last week and trying hard to this week.
The amount of personal time i have for myself has also plunged to nearly zil.
Without a doubt, i did kind of lose myself along the way.
But guess what, i can't afford ; and noone's making it easy.

I'm having a terrible headache):
And i hate pity laughs for now.
I'm out.

This is the part where you tell me what matters is on the inside,
And that inside of you, there's a little dyke just like me.

2009-07-20T20:50:00.001+08:00

I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me.
Qgpragiyksusibiq.

2009-07-19T20:23:00.002+08:00

She's right, S is for Stupid.

2009-07-10T23:18:00.001+08:00

She rolls the window down and she talks
over the sound of the cars that pass us by.
And I don't know why,
But she's changed my mind
She was the one to hold me the night the sky fell down.
And what was i thinking when the world didn't end,
why didn't i know what i knew now.

I wonder if she's figured it out.

2009-07-05T22:38:00.021+08:00

Inside i'm high up and dry.

2009-07-03T19:46:00.002+08:00

I melt when she's nice to me.
I must get a hold of myself, she's no good for me.

On a lighter note, Summer Test is over (:
Saturday Sunday Monday ~~Tuesday~~ Wednesday Thursday Friday freeefreeefree for dates :D
Because i'm still a fricking j1............. :/

2009-07-02T10:08:00.001+08:00

0202.

Could've been a year, but three and a half months ago, i fucked up.
It's ironic how the only lines i missed out were,
"Don't sell your heart, don't say we're not meant to be."

2009-07-01T15:36:00.002+08:00

"I'll try," she said as he walked away, "Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.

2009-06-28T15:33:00.000+08:00

Mrs S is back !

2009-06-27T17:16:00.002+08:00

"Blawg from heeere and say thhat youuuu're blawwging from heeeere~"
Greetings from buddyboy commences:

Buddyboy's studying hard, or at least i hope she is.

Shona's a bad girl bcos she left her car along the road
And nearly killed a poor soul. She's evil! Not!

The car's still there-_-

Buddyboy's buddyboy is slacking now! Bcos the damn organic chem
Driving me insane!

Hahahahaha.
Lets muggggggggg ppl (:

2009-06-26T08:49:00.005+08:00

Hold me and love me,
Just want to touch you for a minute.
Maybe three seconds is enough,
For my Heart to quit it.

One more week to liberty.
Wait for me, i'll clear all my dates that i owe then, promise.

-

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
BLUFF!!
(hahah)

-

At the age of five, they keep drilling at you to "Follow your heart, follow you heart."
Not till the age of thirteen, maybe fourteen, do you really get into The dilemma. Fine, you listen, you follow instructions, you follow your heart.
Then you realise that if you fell after following your heart, noone's there to pick you up, much less teach you what to do if following your heart could actually cause you pain.
Running alongside human nature, exactly how many times do i have to crash and burn before learning?

-

Mj will be missed and honoured by all.
I'm at a loss for words.

-

I want to kiss you,
But if i do then i might miss you.

2009-06-24T12:12:00.002+08:00

Stay because you fucking like her,
Stay because she needs you like crazy.

"I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress,
It's a love story baby just say yes."

Like real.

2009-06-23T19:31:00.002+08:00

I'm at Tanglin macs now.
Flooded with so, so many memories.
Nothing can beat reminiscing about Crescent.
Except maybe for the fact that snap, i come to realise holy shit, i'm here, but where are the rest?

Fag fag and more fags.

2009-06-22T09:55:00.002+08:00

Today, i will be happier than a bird with a french fry (:

To go for camp, or not to go for camp.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh........

I want to watch Up and eat sushi!!! ):
It's more than a hint jolenetan.

2009-06-21T23:24:00.002+08:00

Sometimes giving up isn't being weak.
Rather, it shows that you're strong enough to be able to let it go.

Should i then, give it up?

2009-06-21T01:05:00.002+08:00

MIENATNOTP

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2009-06-18T23:53:00.002+08:00

Snipsnip.

Countdown's over.
I'm receiving a call at 1ish tomorrow.
{:

2009-06-17T21:49:00.004+08:00

Cigarettes saved my day again.

She bites my finger but the marks, they are left on my heart.
Today she walked away from me, walked out of my life.
Indeed, like no other.

From now on, I'll never allow anyone to hurt me anymore.

Bring in the drinks, back to one night stands.
No strings attached.
Not happy about it?

Fuck off, i won't stop you.

2009-06-17T10:55:00.001+08:00

Now if i wrote you a Love note,
And make you smile with every word i wrote,
What would you do?

2009-06-17T00:58:00.003+08:00

Swimming through sick lullabies,
Choking on your alibis.
But it's just the price i pay,
Destiny is calling me.

Supposed to crash Fish's crib tmr but i can't make it urghhhhh.
Oh, today actually, considering the time now, yawn.
And i wonder WHY I'M NOT ASLEEP...!!!
I am super uber ultra extremely hungry ttm right now, oh ehm geee.
Someone, anyone, SOS ):
K laaaaa i'm konky and i've the sudden urge to declare my love for Xavier heheh i love Xavier :D
Only shonnyboy knows, shh.
Phone died, goodnight.

I'm coming out of my cage,
And i've been doing just fine.
Gotta, gotta be down, because i want it all.
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.

Hownowbrowncowzzzz.

2009-06-16T11:17:00.001+08:00

Faith, Hope, Love.

2009-06-13T08:45:00.003+08:00

If i could walk on water,
If i could tell you what's next.
Make you believe, make you forget.

Past two days have been... Gd??
Went to school yesterday to return an overdued library book but guess whatttttt, i forgot to bring The Book.
?!$@/+*~£Okay, fine i admit, it's typical of me to do that, but i was still, Peeeesed orrrff.
Went to Buddyboy's place to mug, thumbs up for us :D
Left the place around 7ish to buy dinner, ate at the basketball court, yadahyadah.
Cabbed home with ThegirlwhopullspeoplesbangstokeepbalanceHAHAHA.

Hmm, not much of an update.
Come on, life has always been a bitch, yes?

Ps, maybe you've been missed but you definately haven't been forgotten :
Narmatha(d/o soundararachan!)
LeeLayteng
Randeeweeqizhen
Shermintoh(hqhq!)
Zoeyleezuyi
Mariontanpeining
Chuan(?) Sujean
Lydiasohshiqian
Michellekoh(meexue) HAHA.
Debbiesengmeilin
Clarakohyulin

It's all in full because i don't want any mix up with the special people in my life.
AND, i'm uber sweet because i'm very much Single and hello to freedom of speech :D
Oh michellekoh you're meexue because younabehnevertalktomeforsolongneverevengetdrunkandcalltosayyoumissmecheebyemotherfuckerwoahimgoodatthis!
K la, it's because i know you hate that name and i know you'll text to scold me (if i annoy the laoniang in you) no matter how busy you're (:

I'm Out \m/

So, come on get higher, loosen my lips.
Faith and Desire, and the swing of your hips.
Just pull me down hard, and drown me in love.

2009-06-11T20:15:00.002+08:00

Let's get these teen hearts beating, faster, faster.

2009-06-10T22:59:00.003+08:00

Tipping point.

Friend, i'm losing you.
You're slipping off my list faster than a Ferrari Spyder's Max, i swear.

2009-06-10T11:52:00.003+08:00

Forget about the real deal,
You don't find it.
It finds you.

Last saturday, highlight of my entire holiday so far.
What else, but Diva La Vll. Pictures up on facebook, can't load it up using ipodtouch and my comp's, dead.
No surprise, no hardcore mugging done as yet.
First week was taken up by early visits to NUS for the big hoo-haa.
Attempts to mug proved to be futile while the sloth in me surfaces and drags me to a nearby couch where i'll hibernate, hahah!
No, i'm kidding. I just slack the whole day awayyyyyyy.
Either playing Taptap, Poker or watch TV.
Yes, send me to rehab, it's vital.

Things aren't smooth sailing at home.
Daddy's life is taking a turn, and at the same time taking a toll on him.
I've never seen him so weak before, or rather, have i Ever seen him weak, at all?
Conversations at night, him and mummy, it was heart wrenching to hear.

Don't think i make sense, think i don't have to.

Z's coming back to haunt me for kisses again.
Guess i'd rather that than have her all the way in Shanghai dontknowdoingwhat(!) (:
Nine, omfgz.

Pucker up, let the mugging begin!!!
Cause Mr Hee, this one's for you.

2009-06-02T09:33:00.000+08:00

Surprise, it's the Secondth.

2009-05-31T23:30:00.001+08:00

The tables have turned.
Again.
Who's going to be here at the end of the day i don't know.
We'll just have to wait and see.

2009-05-31T12:55:00.003+08:00

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one,
To build me up and tear me down,
Like and old abandoned house.
What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep,
Guess i let you get the best of me.
You took a hammer to these walls, dragged the memories down the hall.
Packed your bags and walked away, there was nothing i could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up.
So did my eyes so i could see, that you never were the best for me.

J, you loved me best, hands down.
You were all the faith i needed to get my love life back at that time.
Your "love you to death"s kept me alive.
But right now you're so caught up with your studies i've to struggle with the pain every single day.
My bad, i didn't treasure you enough, period.
When all you wanted was to feel loved and i didn't meet that mark, i regret that, no doubt.
But it's beyond me to bring back time.
All i can say is that, i've loved you.

2009-05-28T21:47:00.000+08:00

I want to drink honey )':

2009-05-26T22:58:00.005+08:00

"You're so ugly when you cry.
Please,
Just cut it out"

It has come to a point in time.. i plead with the concrete wall, "pls return the blows, i need to wake up."

2009-05-24T20:23:00.003+08:00

What i need right now is someone who can be there for me, make me feel loved, put me as first priority.
All of the above no matter what it takes.
Simple?
Let's get married.

Ps: Girls only -.-

2009-05-23T19:17:00.001+08:00

Felt like i haven't hugged P in a very long time and i fucking miss her.

2009-05-20T20:55:00.004+08:00

Inside i'm high up and dry.

I miss Football.
I crave Football.
I need Football.

Need i say more, i heart Football.

Life without Football has Left me with nothing to look forward to.
I experienced my first short Wednesday of the year to come today, and all i've to say is, i can't take it anymore.

On a lighter note, i'm currently devoid of emotions.
The only person who's got my back, who's my best bet, is Myself.
"i'm covered in skin, noone gets to come in."
So true.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left but a section of pygmy size cuts ;
Make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill and spill, all over and under my thoughts.

Okay, wasn't much on the lighter note, was it?
Ohwell. Whatever rocks your socks/ floats your boat baby.

I don't need for novacaine, Give me Football.

Ps: What's wound round my ankle will keep me going won't it.

2009-05-19T22:47:00.002+08:00

Fucking fudge it already, how the fuck did i foray into this area,
So volatile, pain-stakingly irreconcilable.

Faith, Trust, Love,
When should you finally believe in these awesome yet intangible creatures?

Shelter me from this insane humanity,
Here i am, down on my knees,
"Save me. From me."

2009-05-04T20:24:00.003+08:00

I am fucking weak and i can't stop crying.
I need a hug. I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay ;
Hold my hand and bring me home..

2009-05-03T09:29:00.002+08:00

M told me, it's their decision as much as it's mine to choose to leave or stay.
S said, If they can choose to leave without hesitation and proceed with it at such a fast pace, stop being so selfless.
L, you're more than anyone can ask for, if they don't know your worth, they should start before it's too late.

On a lighter note, i'm going for breakfast with my family.

Z, check your mail.
(Noone is worth your tears, and the one who is, wouldn't make you cry.)
Stand by this, it's keeping me alive for now.

2009-05-02T23:30:00.003+08:00

020509.

Strength is nothing more than how well you hide the pain.
I am stronger than yesterday.

qiftgsmascfaglblvifwtiylnlanlekvtedrcguecti.

2009-04-26T18:00:00.004+08:00

One moment she said, " You're mine. I don't want to share."
The next moment she's treating like i'm not there.

What're we doing, we're turning into dust.
Playing House in the ruins of Us.
Running back through the fire when there's nothing left to save.
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late.

2009-04-26T12:41:00.002+08:00

A divine Falsehood is more powerful than any human truth.

It is only when the tide goes down that you discover who's been swimming naked.

2009-04-25T11:20:00.002+08:00

Flames to Dust, Lovers to friends

B!
It's good to see you after so looooong.
I missed you too , (stop being so fierce to me,rawr.)
Okay i'll stop posting videos that make me look like i'm emo.
i won't mia from you and see you only after 3 months.
I'll give you more hugs.
We'll go eat ice-cream.
We'll study.
You'll go to school even if its boring without me.
You'll update me and vice versa.
Deal (:
If not i'll throw the pebbles away.
The cactus you gave me eons ago is still ALIVE but it has become a rare species because it looks ... weird :l

School's been fine, but i've been a slacker.
I need to buckuppullupmysockssssssss.
I need to check my mails more often and reply asap.
I need to give more time to giorgrafee.
I need to MUG, haha fuck sia.

the rest of the post have been deleted because blogger screwed me up.
im not in the mood to blog because my mum is kldjgskld.
im out.

2009-04-21T18:30:00.006+08:00

Why cuts aren't healing?

I'm tired,
This solitary moment makes me want to come back home.
But it's not about me.
It has never been about me.

2009-04-19T15:23:00.002+08:00

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone.

I've got my leg bandaged, all wrapped up ):

I tear my heart open, sew myself shut.
And my weakness is, that I care too much.
And our scars remind us, that the past is real.
I tear my heart open just to feel.

2009-04-19T09:05:00.003+08:00

I'll keep tossing rocks at your window.

Check yes juliet, i'll be waiting.
Wishing, wanting, yours for the taking,
Just sneak out and don't tell a soul goodbye.

Screw that.

2009-04-18T11:13:00.006+08:00

Silent is my loudest cry.

I was fucking wondering how i could even for a second think that the definition of Family applies to all.

There's nothing but the rain,
No footsteps on the ground,
I'm listening bit there's no sound.
Isn't anyone tryna find me,

I held the girl who loved me most and loved me best at gun point.
Now i've made L cry.
Has anyone ever loved me with all her heart, happily?

Won't somebody come take me home?

2009-04-13T22:42:00.001+08:00

I am a hostage to my own humanity.
(self-detained and forced to live in this mess i've made)

2009-04-12T16:12:00.004+08:00

A Little Less Sixteen Candles,
I Little More Touch Me.

Just another day, started out like any other.
Think again.

-

1)Cause lately I`ve been tired, and uninspired.
2)Hang on, Fight on! You too buddy.
3)I just read your mail, what's going on, you still..?
4)It sucks when you only call to tell me you miss me when you ain't sober. Half the time, you're not even there.
5)Helicopter in the Sky, put on those running shoes, let's hit the gym.
6)I promised you not to fag but i`m losing my ground.
7)I'm ready to say I don't care about you anymore.

-

When I Love Yous turn Cliche,
Whose will you accept?

-

A div is finally here.
Concentrate.

2009-04-11T09:29:00.001+08:00

J, syzygy-fest k.

2009-04-10T14:01:00.002+08:00

Whispers "Hello, I Miss You quite Terribly"

Zoey Lee,
When are you coming home again?

2009-04-04T21:42:00.002+08:00

Daddy i miss you.
Where are you,
I can't even rber the last time you hugged me.

Fuck.

2009-04-04T17:46:00.003+08:00

My sign is vital, my hands are cold.
And i'm on my knees, looking for the answer.

2009-03-22T11:08:00.003+08:00

He was a skater boy, she said see ya later boy.
He wasn't good enough for her.

1)I miss the sk8terboi days, can't wait to grab my deck and hit the roads & join the "ultimate escape artist" on her run.I miss you Z, so much has happened you're supposed to bring me away so i won't ever get hurt anymore ):

Lighter note,
2)S's back, hum hallelujah!

3)This break's been alright, except for the long trips to school, uber dreadful.
But it's worth it for trainings that's been the highlight of the week.
No life, i know.

4)Never judge me or my life just because you're reading this right now, hahah, it's dumb. And it only shows how far away you're from me, so pls, stay that way.
PS: Assumptions on this are unneccesary and any misunderstandings'll not be tend to.

5)Mrs S when's the next time you're gonna crash land on this little red dot?
I can't wait, let's fag and talk cock, the way it's meant to be (:
♥, Mr S.

6) Seoul Garden at 1ish.

7)J's coming over to mug for block and for me to get my school work done.

8)Push on. The title's still very much in our grasps, come on Champions.
Gloryglory ManUtd.

9) B! Where the hell are you >:(

10) Summer Love? Nothing beats Character.

11)Debbie Seng, meet up with me soon or i'll put Chase and Chloe in a box and send them to..somewhere you cannot find them..!

I`m out \m/

2009-03-21T11:03:00.008+08:00

Bring this smile back on, i'll give you something, anything.

-

I wish that i could cry, fall upon my knees..

I'm more than some pretty face beside a train ):

2009-03-17T09:38:00.005+08:00

The Battle of the... Loudest?
My Radio VS her Vacuum Cleaner.
>:(

The Hols are here hurrah.
I`ve been a Slackerzxzxzxzxz, HOW AH.
(hahhahaha, this is so typical and disgraceful and hopeless.)
On a lighter note, MAIL ME quick and i will reply superbly fast.
Pinky promise :D

SHONAGOH - HURRY COME BACK OR I WILL LIGHTNING STRIKE THUDER BOOM YOU.
How can you fly on the G5 without me ):

You see i got this problem, i need help tryna solve it.
Cause meeting after meeting and i`m still a cookie-holic.
But i got a sweet tooth that`ll never come loose.

I don`t know what to do about @#$%^&

2009-03-14T16:58:00.001+08:00

This feeling, i haven`t felt in a very long time.

2009-03-12T21:23:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered,

What you`re gonna
Keep
Exchange
Go all out for
Hold back
in your life?

Do i make sense?

-

I don`t wanna do this anymore,
I don`t wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door,
I see himer die a little more inside

I might as well take a gun and put it to hiser head,
Get it over with.
I don`t wanna do this, anymore.

The only way to get pass with a smile,
Let`s all get fuckin drunk tonight.

2009-03-10T21:39:00.003+08:00

Giving you up is like, losing two of my limbs.
From tonight on, i`m putting myself to sleep.
From tmr on, i`m greeting myself good morning.
I will miss you.
Train rides, bus rides, during meals, toilet visits, 24/7.
I never thought this day would come.
This is hard, but life goes on.

Pile me up with loads of work, i`m going to need it.

PS: Yes, i`m still alive and am typing this post.

2009-02-07T17:17:00.001+08:00

Free love on the Streets.

Why get twirled around your fingers when i can get them all around?

2009-02-05T20:59:00.003+08:00

This was supposed to be posted here on 1st Feb but it disappeared to syzygyfest instead.

[[My birthday was superb, fantabulous.
I thank those who wished me either on 28JAN (MWEE I`M WATCHING YOU), 29JAN and also on 30JAN. Also those that wished me even though they we never talked the entire year, hahah.
To those who made an effort and went the extra mile for my 19th, thanksthanksthanks.

Will upload picts when i get them.

Gotta be in school at 7 tmr, Ohmaigordla.
I should get the NUM top saying "PASIR RIS", then maybe they wouldn`t make me go to scool so early for PT ):

Gear up.
Orientation was good, i met my girl.
Orientaion TWO wouldn`t be fun, i can`t meet girls :l

(Orcani?) :B]]

5th Feb.

Hey Girl,
If you feel any alone, this songs`s for you.
Go Here.
(Your Fav :D)